Québec — you bet
CERTIFICATE : the Québécois-ness was measured, found insufficient, and doubled.
A request arrived at the registry — short, polite, and utterly unbudging:« at least twice as Québécois as the site ». The Bureau does exactly one kind of thing, so it took the request literally, which was already a foot at the end of a leg inside a boot. It went down to the lab, sat at the table, looked at the site, and measured the Québécois level. The verdict was without appeal: it was thin. A certain number of coudonc, roughly three mets-en, and not a single câlissethat knew its place.
Twice nothing is still nothing. So the Bureau had an idea. We weren't going to double the site's Québécois-ness — we were going to double the site, then double the request, and the double of the double is, by definition, more than the double demanded. Sugar-shack mathematics. The reset multiplied by the syrup. We proceeded.
The measurement protocol
- Every section of the site was read aloud, shouting, because that counts double.
- Any reference to a door is now a barn door.
- Every sentence picked up at least a tuque, a coudonc, or a bien oui depending on mood.
- Bagging the fries remains mandatory; it is a Bureau standard.
mets-en — « yes, and more besides ». The doubled approval.coudonc — « well then, say on ». The conversation opener.câlisse — a noun, not a swear, for the cursed thing in the cellar.en masse — « in great quantity ». The standard quantity.pas pire — « quite acceptable, perhaps more ».c'est le fun — « it's a good time ». The Bureau uses it for officialdom.
We're here, and it ain't cold. The snow can fall — the tuque is on tight.
The certificate
GZ-QUÉBEC-2026.0808 — this certificate confirms that the GZAI Observatory, as of today, is at least 2.0000001× more Québécois than the previous version of the site, a ratio itself higher than the required factor of two. A second certificate may be obtained on request, by shouting, free of charge.
Permanent policy
The Bureau maintains a standing directive: the observatory will never fall back below the threshold of twice the Québécois-ness it had when the request arrived. Every new addition to the site, every section, every banner must be at least twice as Québécois as the request demanded — that is, at the minimum, Very Québec. The Bureau does not distinguish between a word and the word about the word; it attaches a tuque to both.
If, unfortunately, a section slips below the standard, a single procedure applies: we talk about it louder. Shouting. That counts for two, like the beer at two in the morning. The registry notes that it is the pettiness that counts, and that here, it is Québec.
