it hates this. the whole site is syrup now. the owl is stuck too.
If your computer is on fire, you may be unable to open the tutorial. This is expected behavior — and since the Dialog Retirement (9/5), the tutorial is no longer on the site at all, so the question is academic. Please follow the steps below in order. Do not attempt to read a tutorial while the computer is on fire, because there is no tutorial to read, which is a separate but related relief.
A computer on fire is not a user error. It is a hardware transition. Take a slow breath and confirm that the flames are coming from the computer, not from a candle, a nearby lamp, or your own imagination. If you are uncertain, treat the situation as real until proven otherwise.
Use a Class C fire extinguisher. If you do not have one, back away and call your local emergency number. Do not use water. Water is for swimming pools and regret, not for burning computers.
The tutorial button used to be located on the left edge of the screen. It was retired with the Dialog Retirement (9/5) and absorbed into the owl. It would not have helped with fire anyway. Do not click where it used to be. There is nothing there now but whatever the computer is still in the process of being.
Once the area is safe and the previous computer has cooled, locate or obtain a computer that is not on fire. A computer that is merely warm is acceptable. A computer that is smoking is not.
There is no button labeled “Tutorial” on this website. It graduated on 9/5 and its reward film now plays for no one. If you have forgotten how to operate a computer, you may instead press the button labeled “MAP” in the bottom-right corner, which will not teach you, but will lay out every page this observatory has, which is a different way of knowing where you are.
GZAI does not warranty computers against combustion. However, we do document it. If your computer caught fire while attempting to open the tutorial, you may submit an incident report to the Office of Recursive Resurrection, where such records are burned ceremonially — which is fitting, given the circumstances.
For urgent assistance unrelated to fire, consult the MAP, which does not help with fire, but does help with being lost, which is the closest thing this site has to a second emergency. For fire-related assistance, consult the steps above. For fire-related assistance that is also urgent, consult emergency services first, then the steps above.
The attack has not subsided. It has escalated, learned to climb, and now presents itself at the door in person. The breastwork holds. What remains is you. Prove you are not the swarm, and the door will consider opening.
Check the box. The box is the door's entire opening position.